


Always And Forever

by NavajoLovesDestiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Castiel and Dean Winchester are Switches, Castiel is FTM Trans, M/M, Oral Sex, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-23 09:49:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13784946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NavajoLovesDestiel/pseuds/NavajoLovesDestiel
Summary: Cas is a FTM transgender who moves to a small Kansas town for a fresh start. He doesn't want anyone to know he is trans, so when Dean Winchester finds out, Cas is scared. But Dean turns out to not only not care that Cas is trans, he wants a relationship with him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am FTM transgender. I wanted to write a realistic story of what it's like to be trans. I used my own experience and did a lot of research, so I know this is an accurate portrayal of one man's life as a trans.
> 
> I want to give a big thank you and shout out to my beta and editor, quillsandink. Check out their stories!
> 
> Always and Forever is an old soul song by Heatwave. Take a listen on youtube. I also want to encourage you to listen to Song 3 by Stone Sour. It is hauntingly reminiscent of many Destiel stories, this one included.
> 
> For those who don't know: FTM means a female to male transgender person. It means they were born into a female body but feel like they are male inside.  
> Cis means people whose gender identity matches the sex that they were assigned at birth. In other words, they are not transgender.  
> Dysporia is defined as is the distress a person experiences as a result of the sex and gender they were assigned at birth. In this case, the assigned sex and gender do not match the person's gender identity, and the person is transgender. I can tell you from personal experience, it is horrible. It can be paralysing. It's hard to describe, but it's like looking in a mirror and seeing someone you just can't identify.

“What the fuck do you mean, you can’t fix my car!”

Dean sighed. “Hold up there. I never said I couldn’t fix your car. What I said was I didn’t have the part to fix your car. I’m gonna have to order it.”

The guy sank down into the chair. “That’s what I get for moving to the sticks.” He looked at Dean. “So, how am I supposed to get back and forth to work?”

Dean smiled. “If you’d stop panicking for a goddamn minute, I’d tell you. I’m gonna give you a loaner. Now, can you use a stick?”

The guy nodded. “Yeah, and thanks.”

Dean stood up and waved his hand. “Come on, let’s see what I’ve got that runs.”

Twenty minutes later, they were back in the office. Dean was fishing out keys to an old Range Rover. He handed the guy some papers to fill out.

He found the keys and handed them to the guy, and took the papers and looked them over.

“So, Castiel Novak? That’s a hell of a name. You’re the new teacher down at the high school?”

Novak nodded. “I am. Now, any idea how long it’s going to take to get that part?”

Dean shook his head. “Not a clue. But if you have any trouble with that Rover, just call me.”

Cas left, and Dean sat back in his chair. 

The new school teacher was sure hot, but a little too high strung for Dean’s tastes. He reached for the phone and made the call about the part for Novak’s car.

Three days later, it was Friday. Dean drove to the Roadhouse after he closed the shop, just looking for a drink and to relax. He saw the Range Rover parked in the lot as he pulled in.

He walked in and sat at the bar. He ordered a shot and a beer, then turned around and surveyed the room. He saw Novak, sitting alone in a booth with several empty shot glasses lined up. 

He walked over to Novak and stood. Cas looked up at him with bleary eyes.

“Oh hey, Dean… uh… Winchester is it?”

Dean smiled at him. “Yeah, Winchester. Can I sit?”

Cas looked at the opposite side of the booth. “Sure, It appears I am currently alone. Can I get you a drink?” He waved his arm in the air.

Dean sat. “No, thanks, I’ve got one. And maybe you’ve had enough?”

Cas grinned at him. “I’m pretty sure I haven’t had enough, Dean.”

The waitress came up and Cas tapped an empty glass. She nodded and left to get him another shot.

“So, why all the drinking? Things not going well at the school?”

Cas grunted. “Oh yeah, things are great. I’m the brunt of all the hazing the other teachers can think up. And now, the water is off in my apartment until Tuesday.”

Dean winced. “I’m really sorry to hear that, Cas.”

Cas looked at him. “Cas?”

Dean grinned. “Yeah, Cas. It’s a lot easier than Castiel.”

Cas looked thoughtful. “My brother used to call me that.”

The waitress brought Cas’ shot. Cas downed it in one swallow.

The waitress watched Cas down the drink then turned to Dean.

“You need to get your friend home.”

Dean nodded. “Yep, that’s what I’m gonna do.”

He stood up and grabbed Cas’ arm. “Come on, Cas. Let’s go.”

Cas stood up wand swayed. “Where we going?”

Dean ushered Cas to the door. “We’re going to my place so you can sleep it off. You can’t stay in a place with no water.”

Cas staggered along with Dean holding his arm. When they got to Dean’s car, Cas stopped. 

“What about the Range Rover?”

Dean grinned, “It’s fine, Cas. Get in.”

Dean poured Cas into the car and walked around to get in the driver’s side. Cas was passed out already, lightly snoring against the rider’s door.

Dean drove home and parked his car. He got out, went to unlock the front door and turned on a light before he tackled getting Cas inside.

He pulled Cas out of the car and guided him inside. Cas was grumbling but cooperative enough.

Dean sat him down on the couch and went to get some bedding.

He walked back and stood Cas up. 

“Let me make up the couch for you. The bathroom is that way, if you need it.”

Cas mumbled something that sounded like ‘thanks’ and walked to the bathroom.

Dean had the sheets on the couch when Cas came back.

Dean walked over to Cas and began to unbutton his pants.

Cas stiffened. “What… what are you doing, Dean?”

Dean grinned. “Just trying to get you comfortable. We’re all adults here.”

Cas pushed Dean’s hand away. “No! No, I need… I want to keep my pants on.”

Dean frowned. “Oh come on, Cas. I’m not going to jump you just because you’re in your boxers. What’s the matter?”

Cas struggled away from Dean’s hands. “Nothing. Nothing’s the matter. I just don’t want to take my pants off.”

Dean reached out a hand and put it on Cas’ arm. “ What’s the matter, Cas?”

Cas looked so unhappy, it just about broke Dean’s heart.

“Okay, Dean. I’m trans, okay? I’m a transgender man. You happy now? You can take me back to my car, it’s fine.”

Dean looked at Cas for the briefest of moments. “Okay, so?”

Cas squinted his eyes. “What do you mean, so? I guess you either didn’t hear me or you don’t know what trans means.”

“I heard you and I know what it means. I just don’t care. Now, take off your goddamn pants and go to sleep.”

Cas was too shocked to argue. He pulled his pants off and laid down, pulling the sheets up. He was asleep within moments.

Dean stood and looked at him for a few minutes. He sighed. He knew what it cost Cas to tell him, and just why he had such a hard time settling in. This was a small town and there were certainly some people who wouldn’t like having a trans teacher in the high school. 

He smiled down at the sleeping man, and went to bed. He left a light on in the bathroom so Cas didn’t wake up disoriented in the night.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Cas came to consciousness. His head was pounding and his mouth tasted like he’d been licking urinals in a truck stop. He sat up on the edge of the couch and groaned, trying to figure out where he was.

He saw that there were two ibuprofen and a glass of water on the table, so he took them. He needed to pee, so he got up and went in search of a bathroom. When he found it, he peed and used the mouthwash he found next to the sink. 

His packer strap had cut painfully into his hip, so he adjusted that with a groan. He suddenly remembered where he was, and that he’d told Dean about being trans. He wanted to die, but that didn’t seem to be an option so he walked back to the living room.

He walked out and smelled coffee. It made his stomach lurch, but he really wanted a cup, so he went to find the kitchen.

He walked in and Dean was leaning up against a counter drinking a cup. 

“Morning, sunshine. How are ya feeling?”

Cas frowned deeply. “Like I got hit by a truck. Where are my pants?”

Dean grinned and pointed to where they were folded neatly on a chair. Cas walked with as much dignity as he could and pulled them on.

Dean handed him a cup of coffee. Cas took a sip and sat down at the table.

“Listen, about last night…”

Dean sat down opposite of him. “So you got drunk. Big deal. And as far as the other thing…”

Cas looked at him, suddenly afraid to hear what came next.

“I was absolutely serious when I said I didn’t care. Your secret is safe with me.”

Cas let out a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding.

“Thank you, Dean. I don’t know what to say.”

“How about nothing. But hey, you need to stay here until your water gets turned back on. You can’t live without water.”

Cas was torn. While it was true that he needed access to water, he really didn’t want to stay with Dean. He needed his shot, for one.

“That’s very generous of you, Dean, but I need to go home.”

“I’m not taking no for an answer, Cas. I’ll run you home so you can pick up whatever you need, but you’re gonna stay here.”

Cas sighed. “Why are you doing this, Dean?”

Dean grinned. “Can’t a guy just do something nice for another guy and not have his motives questioned?”

Cas squinted his eyes. “Not in my experience, no.”

Dean grabbed his keys. “Then you have some fucked up experience, Cas. Come on.”

Cas followed Dean to his car. He told Dean his address and sat back to watch the town go by.

When they got to Cas’ apartment complex, they got out and Cas unlocked his door. They walked in and Cas looked around. It was pretty messy, but not that bad. He grabbed some clothes off a chair and told Dean to make himself at home. Then he walked to the bathroom and gave himself his T shot.

He came out of the bathroom and walked to Dean. 

“Listen, Dean, uh, I really don’t need your help…”

Dean stood up and got in Cas’ space. “Jesus H, Cas, just grab some clothes and whatever the hell else you need and just shut the fuck up, will ya?”

Cas opened his mouth and shut it again. He turned and grabbed a duffel bag. He went to his bedroom, grabbing some clothes and essentials. Then he went to the bathroom and grabbed a toothbrush, some deodorant and his T shot things.

“Fine, Dean. I’ve got everything. Let’s go.”

Dean grinned. “That’s more like it. Let’s get some breakfast, what say.”

So they sat across from one another in a diner, waiting on their food.

“So, how long you been on T, Cas?”

Cas cocked his head and squinted, which Dean thought was adorable.

“Almost ten years. How do you know about that?”

Dean took a sip of his coffee. “Had a good friend growing up. He always knew he was really a guy. Everything I know, I learned from him.”

“Well, I’m impressed. Not many cis guys are so open.”

Dean smiled. “We never had sex, though. He was straight.”

Cas took a breath. “And you’re not?”

“Nope. Gay through and through. You?”

“Yes, I’m gay.”

Dean smiled brightly. “Cool!”

“Slow your jets, cowboy, I don’t have sex with cis guys.”

Dean just kept on grinning. “I’ll grow on you, Cas.”

Cas smiled a little. “Yeah, like a wart.”

Dean mock-frowned. “Hey, words hurt.”

They both chuckled but Cas felt a touch of fear. 

Dean was so handsome, he took Cas’ breath away. He was smart and funny and a very caring person.

Cas had resigned himself to having a relationship with his right hand for the rest to his life when he moved to the small Kansas town. And he was fine with that. But Dean made him sort of regret his decision. And that scared the hell out of Cas.

When they got back to Dean’s, Cas told Dean he really needed a shower.

“See? This is why you need water. Go ahead, there’s towels under the sink.”

Cas grabbed his duffel and walked to the bathroom. He closed the door and stripped. The packer harness had left a deep groove on his hips and he rubbed it. Then he turned on the water and got under the spray. He sighed.

He reached down and touched himself. His ‘T cock’ was throbbing with need, so he cupped his hand around it and thrust. He put his head on his arm against the shower wall. When he came, he bit his lip to keep quiet.

He got out and dried off. He briefly thought about leaving off his packer, but a wave of dysphoria hit him so hard he felt dizzy. He hurried to strap it back on.

He dressed and walked out to the living room. Dean was sitting on the couch.

“Thought we could watch some T.V. Ever hear of a show called  _ Dr. Sexy _ ?”

 


	3. Chapter 3

They worked their way through four episodes. Cas really loved the show and it was obviously one of Dean’s favorites. During the fifth episode, they were both laughing hard, and Dean put his head on Cas’ shoulder.

The next thing they knew, they were kissing.

They ran their tongues along one another and Cas moaned. Suddenly he was aware of what they were doing. He put his hands on Dean’s chest and pushed him away,

“No! No, no no. Get off me!”

Dean looked shocked, then annoyed. “Hey, you were right there with me, Cas.”

Cas jumped up. “I know. I was. Fuck, I need to go home!”

Dean stood up and grabbed Cas’ forearms. “Calm down, for fuck’s sake. Why is your answer to every problem to just run away? I am more than capable of not kissing you. Look, this is me… not kissing you.” He took a step back.

Cas took a deep breath. “Okay, okay. No more kissing, though.”

Dean grinned. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you weren’t capable of not kissing me.”

Cas frowned. “Oh, fuck no. This is me, not kissing you either.”

Dean chuckled. “Okay, so no more Dr. Sexy for us. What do you say to a western? Tombstone?”

Cas grinned. “I’m your huckleberry.”

Dean laughed. “Why Ed Bailey, are we cross?”

They sat and watched Tombstone, quoting nearly every line together.

When it was over, Cas stood up and stretched. “How about I order a pizza for dinner?”

Dean smiled. “Now you’re talking. Just no anchovies, okay?”

Cas shuddered. “Anchovies? Never. I’m thinking a meat lover’s.”

Dean stuck his thumb up. “I’ve got the beer.”

They sat cross legged on the floor and ate pizza and drank beer.

“So, how did you end up here? I would think this place would be the last choice for a trans teacher.”

Cas sighed. “Well, I had a bad break up. Turns out, trans guys can be real jerks, too. I just wanted to find a place where no one knew me and start over.”

Dean looked sad. “I’m sorry. But if it’s any consolation, I think any guy who’d be a jerk to you really doesn’t deserve you.”

Cas looked at Dean and squinted. “You don’t even know me.”

“I know enough.”

Cas grimaced as the packer harness cut into his side. He wiggled around in an attempt to relieve the pain.

Dean watched him. “Look, you’ve had that thing on for over twenty-four hours now. It has got to be getting uncomfortable. Why not just take it off and get into something more comfortable?”

Cas looked at him. “What do you know about it?”

Dean sighed, “I told you, my best friend was trans.I was there for all of it. His surgeries, and him getting used to wearing a packer. I know those harnesses get to hurting after a while.”

Cas looked away. “I’m just not comfortable not having it on right now.”

“Suit yourself. But really, I won’t look if you do decide to take it off. I promise.”

Cas just changed his position. “So, where is he now?”

Dean grinned, “Married, and moved to Kansas City. Been married for about five years now.”

Cas thought about it. “He married a cis woman?”

Dean grinned. “Yep, and they are really happy.”

Cas just thought about that for a bit.

Cas sighed as his packer harness cut into him again. He got up, telling Dean he’d be right back.

He walked to the bathroom and pulled down his pants. He pulled off the harness and put it in his duffel. He found some sweat pants and pulled them on. He took a deep breath and walked back out into the living room.

Dean never changed expression so Cas sat down on the floor and finished his beer.

A six pack later, they were laughing about something Cas told him happened at school. Dean looked at Cas and asked, “Say, you smoke weed?”

Cas grinned. “Do I smoke weed? I majored in it in college.”

“Well alright then. Bong, pipe or joint?”

Cas grinned. “Dealer’s choice.”

Dean jumped up, “Bong it is, then.”

An hour later, they were sitting in the half dark room, listening to Led Zeppelin.

“So, how long have you been on T, Cas?”

“About ten years now. It took me a while to get on it, because I had to pay for both my surgeries and for all the counseling. If I hadn’t had some help from an organization in Chicago, I’d have had to choose between that and going to college.”

Dean sighed. “I’m really sorry to hear that. Your family wasn’t any help?”

Cas laughed ruefully. “My family… right. They threw me out as soon as I graduated from high school.”

“Shit! That sucks, Cas.”

“Yeah, well, shit happens.”

They were quiet for a bit. Then, Dean asked quietly, “Have you ever been with a cis man?”

Cas sighed. “Twice. I actually gave my virginity to a cis guy. Turned out, all he wanted was to say he’d been with a trans man. The second guy beat me up.”

Dean sat up and looked at Casm alarmed. “What? He beat you up? Why for fuck’s sake?”

Cas looked away. “He had some gay panic. He picked me up in a gay bar but apparently didn’t think he was gay.”

“That’s awful, Cas. I guess I can see why you don’t get with cis men anymore.”

This was followed by another long silence.

“So, what’s happening with the other teachers?”

“Oh nothing too bad. Just the usual. They tried to hook me up with the slutty home ec teacher, stuff like that. But I hear there’s a rumor going around about why I don’t use the bathrooms while I’m at school.”

Dean frowned. “Why don’t you use the bathroom?”

“It’s too close quarters. I mean, I have an STP but if a guy stands too close to me, it’s obvious it’s not real. I don’t want to take the chance. So I just don’t drink anything after midnight, until I get home.”

“Jesus, Cas, that can’t be good for you.”

“It’s okay, Dean, I’m used to it.”

“So, the home ed teacher is a slut? Isn’t that Naomi Jackson?”

Cas laughed, “Oh yeah, she’s apparently spread her legs for every male teacher there.”

“Except for you.”

“Yeah, except for me.” Cas laughed again, and suddenly peed himself just a little.

“Fuck!”   
“What’s the matter, Cas? You okay?”

Cas suddenly had a wave of dysphoria roll over him. All he could think of was how awful it was to be stuck with female plumbing. He jumped up.

“I need to go to bed, Dean. Sorry…” He ran to the bathroom, leaving behind a very confused Dean. He cleaned up and put his damp boxer briefs in a ball at the bottom of his duffel. When he came out, he was alone. 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Cas set the alarm on his phone and put it under his pillow. When it went off, he jumped up and went to the bathroom. He put on his packer and pulled his sleep pants back up, then went back to lay on the couch. He really didn’t want to get caught again without it on.

Even though he knew that Dean was just trying to be supportive, still, Cas was struggling with dysphoria in a way he hadn’t had in years.

He hated that he had kissed Dean, and been so aroused by it. He hated that he had peed himself, even just a little, laughing with Dean last night. He knew Dean was right about him needing water and not to go home before it was back on, but he wished he’d never come here at all.

He really liked Dean. He put his arm behind his head and thought about how different his life would have been if he’d had a friend like Dean ten years ago. Before he knew what hit him, he was so depressed he couldn’t lift his head. 

He’d had no one in his life when he was going through his transition. No friend to tell him it would be okay, no lover to tell him he was good enough just the way he was, no family to support him. He sighed and turned over, curling up in a ball.

Dean stood in the doorway and looked at Cas. The sadness was rolling off him, and it hurt Dean to see him like this. He went to make coffee and thought about what to do to help his friend. Because that’s what Cas was, whether he liked it or not, he was Dean’s friend.

When the coffee was ready, Dean poured them each a cup and went out to where Cas was curled up.

“Hey, buddy, here’s some coffee. Are you okay?”

Cas sighed deeply, but turned over and sat up.

“Yeah, sure, I’m fine. Thanks for the coffee.”

Dean noticed the bulge at Cas’ crotch but didn’t say anything. “You sleep okay?”

Cas took a sip of coffee. “Yeah, fine, thanks. You?”

Dean nodded. 

They sipped their coffee for a few minutes.

“So, what do you usually do on Sundays, Cas?”

Cas tried to smile but it really was more of a grimace. 

“Usually I do wash and grade papers. It’s a crazy life but someone’s gotta do it.” 

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, sounds about like my Sundays. What do you say to a movie marathon?”

Cas did manage a smile then. “Sounds good. Which movies?”

Dean thought for a minute. “Lord of the Rings, Raiders of the Lost Ark or Harry Potter. Your choice.”

“You like Harry Potter?”

Dean jumped up and went to go through his blu-rays. “I love me some Harry Potter.” He came up with a boxed set.

Cas grinned. “Harry it is.”

Dean went to fix some breakfast before they started watching the first movie. Cas drank another cup of coffee and watched.

“You seem like you really enjoy cooking.”

“Oh hell yeah I do. But it’s pathetic and sad just cooking for myself. I’m really enjoying cooking for you.”

Cas smiled. “Well, I appreciate it.”

They watched two of the Harry Potter movies and got involved in a back and forth about whether or not it would be ethical for Harry to cast a spell on the Dursely’s to make them nicer people. Dean, of course, was all over that.

Cas looked sad. “It’s not their fault they’re the way they are. They don’t understand Harry or magic, and that makes them afraid. Being afraid makes them treat him badly. But it’s just how they are. If Harry cast a spell on them, he’d be wrong.”

Dean got the very uncomfortable feeling that Cas was talking about more than just Harry Potter.

After the third movie was over, Dean patted his stomach. “I’m hungry, and we need to go get the Range Rover. Let’s go get something to eat and I’ll drop you off. You follow me back here and we’ll eat.”

They both went to get dressed. Cas stood in the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror.

He thought he didn’t look half bad from the waist up. His chest had come out pretty damn good, even with the small infection he’d gotten in his nipple. 

But from the waist down, it all went to hell. He tried to imagine what it would be like to actually have a dick between his legs, with balls hanging behind it. He wanted to feel the weight of them, to be able to touch his cock and feel it harden in his hand.. 

He shook his head. He needed to not go there. He didn’t have a dick and never would. Sighing, he put on his packer and pulled his jeans up, pausing to adjust it.

When he walked out, Dean was sitting on the couch. “How do you feel about Chinese?”

“Love Chinese.”

“Great, we’ll stop and pick up some on the way to get the rover.”

Cas got out of the car and put the bags of food on the seat. 

“Don’t get any ideas about going back to your apartment, Cas. You’re not going to leave me to eat all this food alone.”

Cas nodded. He’d been toying with that very idea, but he knew it would be dickish to leave Dean hanging.

“I’ll be there, don’t worry.”

Dean nodded and took off. Cas got in the Range Rover and fired it up. 

He drove straight to Dean’s.

He walked in without knocking when he got there. Dean grinned at him, getting plates and opening cartons.

“Thought we could watch the next movie.”

Cas nodded and started getting food on his plate. “Sound good.”

They ate Chinese, drank beer and watched movie number four.

Cas actually was feeling better by the time the movie was over.

“So, what time you gotta be out of here in the morning?” Dean took a sip of his beer.

“Probably around seven-fifteen. Class starts at eight and I’m expected to be there early.”

Dean made a face. “Ouch! I don’t leave until eight or eight-fifteen. I open the shop at nine.”

Cas smiled. “That’s okay. I don’t eat before school and as I told you, I don’t drink anything after midnight.”

“Still think that’s fucked up, Cas.”

“Whatever. So I guess I’ll see you after work then?”

Dean grinned big. “Yes indeed. I’ve got an idea for dinner.”

Cas went to sleep that night smiling.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Cas sat in the break room. He didn’t have a lunch packed so he just sat, reading a book.

“So, how are things going?” The British accent was unmistakable. Cas looked up into the face of Balthazar Brent.

“Okay, I guess. I’m getting the hang of things, I think.”

Balthazar sat down, much to Cas’ dismay. He leaned over and whispered, “I’m just wondering. Do you date? I mean, uh… would you go out with me?”

Cas felt like throwing up. He swallowed bile. Did everyone know he was gay? Already?”

“No, Balthazar, I don’t date. Sorry.”

Balthazar sighed. “I figured. But don’t worry, no one thinks you’re gay but me.”

Cas felt a little relief. “Okay, thanks. I’d appreciate it if that didn’t get around.”

“Of course. Mum’s the word.” Balthazar mimed locking his lips and throwing away the key.

As soon as Balthazar left, Cas got up and went back to his classroom. He sat and chewed a nail. He knew damn well Balthazar was a gossip, and it wouldn’t be long before everyone knew he was gay and didn’t date.

He hated being to object of gossip almost as much as everyone knowing he was trans. At least that wasn’t common knowledge yet.

Dean gave Cas a key and he used it, walking into Dean’s apartment and threw down his bag. He sank to the couch with a sigh. Dean wouldn’t be home for a couple of hours yet. 

Cas got out his laptop and sent an email to the management company of his apartment, inquiring about the water. Then he went to the kitchen and got a big glass of water and drank it.

He sat at the table and got out the essays and began to read them. The majority of them were awful. He cringed more than once at the errors in grammar and spelling.

But one caught his eye. He read it, then read it again.

If he had to guess, he’d say the kid was gay, and very depressed. He took note of who it was. He kind of remembered the kid. But it was obvious that the kid was on the fringes, hiding in plain sight. 

Cas sat back and thought about the best way to approach Mr. Braedon. 

He had another glass of water, and put away the essays. He flipped open his laptop and went in search of trans gay men porn.

He was so engrossed in a video, he didn’t hear Dean come in.

He jumped when he heard Dean laugh behind him and slammed the lid down.

Dean walked up and clapped him on the shoulder. 

“No reason to be embarrassed, Cas. I watch a lot of gay porn too.”

Cas blushed beet red. He couldn’t believe Dean had caught him.

“Yeah, well, I… uh…” He couldn’t think of anything to say.

Dean sat down across from him at the table. “Relax, will you? It just proves you’re human, man. No big deal.”

Cas tamped down his embarrassment. “So, what’s for dinner? Want to order something?”

Dean grinned at him. “Nope. It occured to me at work that I haven’t made you my world-famous bacon cheeseburgers and fried potatoes yet.” 

Cas smiled. “Well, what the hell are you waiting for?”

Dean clicked his heels together and saluted. “Yes, sir!”

Forty-five minutes later, Cas was biting into the burger.

“Fuck me! This is amazing!”

Dean grinned big. “Told ya.”

Cas moaned with every bite. The sound made Dean have to adjust in his chair. His cock was twitching and he really didn’t want to pop a boner.

Cas finished in no time, and sat back with a satisfied sigh. “Oh, I heard from the rental agency. The water will definitely be back on tomorrow.”

Dean kind of didn’t want to hear it, but he smiled anyway. “That’s good news. So I guess you’ll be going home then.”

Cas nodded. “Yeah. I really want to thank you for the hospitality, but I’ve been enough of a nuisance.”

Dean shook his head. “You aren’t a nuisance, Cas. I enjoyed having you here.”

Cas looked at Dean with a serious face. “I really enjoyed being here, Dean.” And he realized he really meant it.

The dishes were done and dried. They sat in the living room with a beer.

“So how was your day, Cas? Anything interesting?”

Cas sighed, “Balthazar asked me out on a date.”

Dean smirked, “ _ Balthazar?  _ Who names their kid Balthazar?”

Cas giggled, “He’s British, so I guess the English do.”

Dean felt a bit of a lurch in his gut. “What did you say? Are you going out with him?”

Cas made a face. “Fuck no! I told him I didn’t date.”

Dean felt very relieved. “So, how did he take it?”

Cas thought back. “He seemed okay with it. Only time will tell, I guess. I just don’t know how he figured out I was gay.”

Dean had nothing to say to that.

Cas yawned. “I’m beat. I think I’ll turn in. Oh, I left your key on the table by the door.”   
Dean sighed. “Okay, Cas. Sleep well. I’ll check on that part for your car tomorrow.”

Dean laid in bed thinking. He really liked Cas.  _ Really _ liked him. He wished he could get Cas past all that dysphoria and self-doubt he had. But really, he had no idea where to even start. So he figured he’d just continue to be Cas’ friend.

When he got up in the morning, Cas was already gone. The key lay there on the table where Cas said it would be. And there was a pot of coffee made.

Dean sighed and picked up the key. He looked at it for a minute then walked to the kitchen to hang it back on the key rack.

He poured himself a cup of coffee.

Cas got a text alert on his phone, but it was in the middle of class so he waited until lunch to check it. It was from Dean, saying that the part was on the way and he’d have Cas’ car ready by Friday. Cas texted him back with a thumbs up emoji.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Cas called Dean after he got home from school. They made arrangements for Cas to bring back the Range Rover after school on Friday and pick up his car.

Dean suggested they go out and grab a bite to eat when he did and Cas agreed.

The week drug on. Cas kind of missed having Dean to talk to. Balthazar took to walking out with him every day after school and this was really making Cas uncomfortable.

The week drug for Dean as well. He missed having Cas there when he got home, and he really missed cooking for him.

Finally, it was Friday. Cas drove to Dean’s shop and parked the rover. He could see his car parked near the shop.

He walked in and Dean was on the phone. Dean held up his index finger, and Cas nodded and sat down to wait.

When Dean hung up, he grinned at Cas. “So, your car’s finally fixed.”

Cas stood up. “How much do I owe you?”

Dean handed him a bill. It just listed the cost of the part and no labor.

“This isn’t right, Dean.”   
Dean grinned. “It’s right. I didn’t charge you for labor, considering how long you had to wait.”

Cas started to protest, but Dean held up his hand.   
“Stop, Cas. It’s my shop and I do what I want. Just pay me for the part.”

Cas sighed and wrote out a check.

“Now, let me close up and let’s hit the Roadhouse.”

Cas got behind the wheel of his car and smiled. He didn’t mind driving the Range Rover but this was his car and he felt comfortable in it.

He followed Dean to the Roadhouse and parked. They walked in together and grabbed a booth. When the waitress came over, they each ordered a cheeseburger and fries, along with a beer.

“So, how did your week go? Any problems with Balth-what's-his-face?”

Cas smiled. “He’s taken to walking me out to my car every day. I wish he’d just fuck off.”

Dean frowned. “Tell him.”

Cas shook his head. “Oh no, I couldn’t do that. I’ve already got a rep for being stuck up, that would be all I needed.”

Dean hated that Cas had any kind of a rep, but he couldn’t think of anything to do about it.

They ate, then Dean suggested they play some pool.

Cas admitted he wasn’t much of a pool player. Dean said he’d teach him.

They switched to boilermakers.

Cas was leaning over the table, trying to line up a shot. He was pretty buzzed and it made it hard. Dean walked up behind him. “Here, let me help you.”

Dean got behind Cas and leaned over him. He reached his arms out and put his hands over Cas’, where Cas was gripping the stick.

Dean’s cock nestled into Cas’ ass crack and Cas bit back a moan. He pushed back just a touch, under the guise of letting Dean’s arms go further.

Dean pushed against Cas’ ass. He breathed hot breath on Cas’ neck.

Cas stood up. “That’s okay, Dean. I think I’m ready to quit.”

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’ waist and turned him. He leaned into him and his lips brushed over Cas’.

Cas closed the gap and kissed Dean. Dean pulled Cas close and they kissed for a bit, mouths closed but still…

Cas pulled away. Dean wouldn’t let him go.

“Damn it, Cas, this is the second time we’ve kissed and you tried to run away. Just stop it and admit you like me.”

Cas looked distraught. “Of course I like you, Dean. But I’m… I’m not what you need. I’m not what anyone needs.”

Dean frowned. “Jesus fuck, Cas! You think I care what’s between your legs? I don’t. I told you from jump I didn’t care about you being trans and I don’t. I know what you look like down there, and I. Don’t. Care. I just want you, exactly like you are.”

Cas sat down. He ran his hand over his face. 

“Dean listen. I know you were there for your friend, and I really admire you for that. But there’s a huge difference between being there for a friend who’s transitioning, and getting into a relationship with a trans man. You think you’re okay with it, but you don’t really know.”

Dean growled, “So do you have a strap on?”

Cas looked at him, confused, “Of course, I’ve got a strap on. What does that have to do…”

Dean grabbed his hand. “Then we’re good to go. I’m gonna call us a cab. Don’t say another word.”

Dean called a cab, then called out to the bartender, “JoBeth, we’re gonna leave our cars here overnight. Don’t tow ‘em.”

She yelled back, “Sure thing, Dean.”

Dean grabbed Cas’ hand and pulled him outside. He pushed Cas up against the wall and kissed him.

Cas kissed him back until the cab honked it’s horn. They broke and got in. Dean gave the driver Cas’ address and went back to kissing him.

Cas melted into the kisses. He very purposely wasn’t thinking about anything except how good Dean tasted.

When they got to Cas’, the driver cleared his throat and they broke apart. Dean threw some money in the front seat and they got out. Cas led the way to his door and unlocked it. 

While he was fumbling for the light switch, Dean was on him. They kissed frantically until Cas found the light switch. 

Dean stood back. “Take me to your bed. Please, Cas… I want you so damn bad.”

Cas led him to the bedroom, but didn’t turn on the light.

Dean stood in the half light coming from the living room. 

“Turn on the light, Cas. I want to see you.”

Cas sighed, but turned on the light. 

Dean walked up and began to unbutton Cas’ shirt. He let it slip off Cas’ shoulders, and stood back to look at him.

“You’re beautiful, Cas. So handsome.”

Cas ducked his head. “Stop. Really, just stop.”

Dean sighed and took off his own shirt. He undid his belt and pulled it off, then squatted to take off his shoes and socks. He kicked them off and took off his pants. He pulled down his boxers, to reveal his cock which was hard as a rock.

He laid down on the bed, and smiled at Cas. “Your turn.”

Cas sighed deeply. He took off his shoes and socks, then fiddled with the button on his jeans.

He finally had the button undone and the zipper down. He pulled then down, and stood in his boxers.

“Come on, Cas. let me see you, I promise it will be okay.”

Cas pulled his boxers off, and then took off his packer and harness. He stood with his head down.

“Come here, baby. You look amazing to me. Let me prove it,” Dean smiled.   
  



	7. Chapter 7

Cas walked to the bed and laid down next to Dean. Dean kissed him tenderly and worked his mouth down over Cas’ jaw and throat. He kissed each nipple.

Cas shook his head. “They aren’t very sensitive.”

Dean smiled. “I figured. Benny’s weren’t either.”

Dean worked his way down over Cas’ belly. When he got to Cas’ crotch, he touched his T dick tenderly and Cas gasped.

Dean moved down and put his lips around it. He sucked a little and heard Cas gasp. Encouraged, he sucked harder. 

It was about three inches long, and he pulled back the hood. It looked like a tiny penis so he sucked and licked it like one.

Cas groaned and put his hand on Dean’s head. Dean sucked and swirled his tongue around it.

Then Cas stiffened. He arched his back and moaned, “Oh fuck! Dean…”

Dean knew he’d come. It was a little weird, mainly because nothing came out of it, but he still felt a sense of accomplishment. He moved up and Cas kissed him hard.

Dean held on to Cas with desperation. “Please, Cas, fuck me. I need you so bad…”

Cas kissed him again, then got out of bed and walked to a drawer. He opened it and pulled out his strap on. He pulled it up and adjusted it. Then he walked back and got in next to Dean.

Cas grabbed the lube from his bedside table and poured some into his palm. He lubed up his fingers.

He moved down between Dean’s spread legs and Dean lifted them high, his knees next to his head.

Cas rubbed a lubed finger around Dean’s hole and then pushed it in. Dean groaned and tightened up on it, but then he took a deep breath and relaxed.

Cas took his time opening Dean up. Dean was reduced to begging by the time Cas had three fingers in him and was scissoring them. He’d rubbed over Dean prostate a few times and Dean practically came off the bed.

Cas pulled his fingers out and grabbed the lube. He poured some on his strap on, and some on Dean’s hole. Then he moved up.

Cas took the dildo and pushed it into Dean. Dean gasped and pushed back against it.

“Fuck Cas… it feels so good… fuck me, please.”

Cas pushed in all the way, then pulled back and pushed in again. He established a rhythm and Dean wrapped his legs around Cas’ waist.

Cas laid over Dean and thrust in, holding. He looked Dean in the eyes.

“Dean, you’ve got to tell me when you’re close. I may not be able to tell, and you need to realize I can fuck for hours…”

Den’s eyes got big for a second, then he nodded.

Cas moved back and began the thrust and pull, and with every thrust in, his strap on hit his dick and it was building and building until…

Cas moaned and stiffened. He thrust in and held there, letting his orgasm roll over him. His eyes were squeezed shut and his head fell forward.

Then he began to fuck Dean again, this time harder than before.

It wasn’t long before Dean cried out. “Fuck! I’m close… so close…”

Cas increased his speed and it wasn’t long before Dean came, coating his chest and belly.

Cas fucked him through it and then stilled.

Dean reached up and pulled Cas down into a messy, passionate kiss.

Cas pulled back, and shimmied out of the strap on and dropped it to the floor next to the bed. He laid back down next to Dean and pulled his face in for a kiss.

“That was amazing, Cas.”   
Cas was relieved to hear Dean say that. He hadn’t been with anyone in a long time, and he just wanted to make Dean happy.

“Thank you, Dean.”

Dean lifted his head and looked at Cas. “What are you thanking me for exactly?”

Cas sighed. “For being my friend. For not giving up on me. For this.”

Dean chuckled. “Hey, I care about you, and I’m not going anywhere. And as for this, I think it’s me who should be thanking you.”

Dean thought about it for a moment. “Cas, did you come while you were fucking me?”

Cas blushed a little. “Yeah, I did, My strap on rubs against my dick.”

Dean grinned big. “That’s awesome! I love that we can both come.”

Cas kissed Dean again. 

Dean kissed Cas back and pulled him closer.

“Can we go again?”

Cas pulled back and looked at him. “You aren’t sore?”

Dean blushed. “A little, but it’s a good sore. I mean, we don’t have to…”

Cas put a finger to Dean’s lips. “Of course we can. I want to fuck you into the mattress, frankly.”

Cas came twice fucking Dean that time. Dean was groaning and saying Cas’ name over and over. 

Dean took longer to come and Cas fucked him practically senseless. When Dean finally did come, he was left panting and feeling weak as a kitten.

When he regained the power of speech, he said, “God damn, Cas. That was incredible.”

Cas agreed. “It was, and I’m glad I gave us a chance. You’re amazing, baby.”

Dean grinned. “Hey, I’m just me. Of course, I think I’m adorable.”

Cas just smiled and kissed him. “We need to sleep. I think.”

They curled up together and were asleep within minutes.

 


	8. Chapter 8

Cas woke up to Dean staring at him.

“Augh! Don’t stare at me while I’m sleeping, that’s just creepy.”

Dean chuckled. “Hey, I was just admiring the view.”

Cas blushed. “I’m nothing special, so quit it.”

Dean kissed him. “I respectfully disagree. I think you’re handsome and that’s that.”

He pulled down the sheet to Cas’ waist. He looked at Cas’ chest and touched it very gently.

“Did it hurt?”

Cas smiled. “Not really. It’s the nipples that are the real bitch. My left one got infected and it took forever to heal.”

Dean frowned. He pulled the sheet down even more. 

“And you’ve had a hysterectomy, right?”

Cas nodded. “Oh yeah. I had that first. I didn’t want the testosterone to be fighting estrogen, for one. And I needed to never, ever have another period. T is supposed to stop them, but I didn’t want to take a chance. Plus, if I’d ever gotten pregnant, I’m pretty sure I would have killed myself.”

Dean kissed Cas. 

“Do you ever, you know, get wet? Or want to be penetrated there?”

Cas frowned. “Fuck no! I didn’t like getting fucked in my vagina even before I knew I was trans, and now the T has thinned the walls of my vagina so much, it’s really painful.”

Dean nodded. He pulled the sheet off Cas, and moved down to look at Cas’ T dick. Cas spread his legs and let him.

Dean reached out and very gently touched the head, and Cas sucked in a breath.

“Wow, it’s really sensitive.”

Cas chuckled. “Yeah, it is. That’s why I wear big ass boxers. I tried wearing boxer briefs but it rubbed on the head and I was getting erect at very inopportune times. Like in the line at Taco Bell.”

Dean chuckled. He sat back. “Show me how you masturbate.”

Cas blushed. “What? No, I won’t do that.”

“Oh come on. I want to see how to do it. I’ll jack off first if it makes you feel more comfortable.”

Cas thought for a moment, then grinned. “It’s a deal, you first.” Cas scooted back and sat with his back against the headboard.

Dean reached for the lube and poured some on his cock. He grabbed it and pulled a few times until he was hard.

Then he ran his hand up and down, twisting it on the upstroke and running his thumb over the head. He reached down with his other hand and cupped his balls, rolling them around.

It didn’t take long. Dean gasped and came all over his belly. He looked up at Cas, who was grinning from ear to ear.

“Okay, I picked up a few pointers from that.”

Dean grabbed a shirt off the floor and wiped clean. “Your turn.”

Cas scooted down and Dean traded places with him, resting against the headboard.

Cas got some lube on his hand, and touched his T dick. He moaned a little and pulled back on the hood.

He wrapped two fingers around it and began to move his hand up and down.

It stood up more and Cas ran his fingers up and down it, then made a ‘V’ with his index finger and middle finger and ran them up and down.

He started to moan and his hips wiggled. Dean was staring at him, transfixed.

Cas moved his hand faster and then he stiffened. He shut his eyes tightly and said, “Fuck!”

He stopped moving his fingers but was still obviously in the middle of his orgasm.

He thrust his hips up into his hand and then stilled.

He very slowly opened his eyes and looked at Dean.

Dean had a look that could only be described as enthralled.

“Dean?” Cas was blushing.

“Holy fuck, that was hot…”

Dean’s cock was half hard again.

Cas kissed him. “You want to fuck me? Because you can if you want.”

Dean looked Cas in the eyes. “Are you sure?”

Cas nodded. Dean pushed him onto his back and kissed down his throat. He didn’t bother with Cas’ nipples, just bypassed them and kissed down his belly. He kissed the head of Cas’ dick and then Cas lifted his legs.

Dean licked over Cas’ hole and Cas cried out. He licked a few more times, and then sat up and grabbed the lube.

Dean lubed up his fingers, then put his middle finger to Cas’ hole.

It resisted, but finally his finger slid in. Cas gasped.

Dean couldn’t believe how tight Cas was. He pulled his finger back out.

“Baby, have you ever been fucked before?”

Cas lifted his head and looked down at Dean. “Well, yeah, but it’s been a long time.”

“Sweetheart, we don’t have to do this.”

Cas frowned. “But I want to, Dean. I trust you and I want you to fuck me.”

“Do you even have any condoms?”

Cas looked thoughtful and then said, “I’m pretty sure I have some in the top right drawer of my dresser.”

Dean climbed out of bed and went to the dresser. He opened the drawer and found them. He checked the expiration date and it was a month away.

He got one and brought it back to bed. He grabbed more lube and lubed up both his fingers and Cas’ hole. He slid his middle finger into Cas and Cas groaned.

He worked it back and forth and when he finally felt like Cas could handle two, he slid one in next to it.

Cas moaned. “Oh Dean, it feels so good…”

Dean worked Cas open slowly and carefully. The last thing he wanted was to hurt Cas in any way.

He pulled his fingers out, rolled the condom on and lubed it up a lot. Then he poured more lube on Cas.

He positioned himself over Cas and pulled Cas’ legs up to his waist. He grabbed his cock and pressed it to Cas’ hole.

Even prepped, Cas’ hole resisted. Dean was just about to give up when the head of his cock slid in. 

Cas gasped and grabbed Dean’ forearms. Dean held, waiting for Cas to relax.

When he did, Dean pulled back slowly and pushed back in equally slowly.

Cas groaned, “Oh god, Dean. faster, please…”

Dean sped up but he knew he wasn’t going to last long, in spite of just coming a little bit ago. The combination of just how tight Cas was, and the mere fact that it  _ was _ Cas, had him close in no time flat.

Cas began to hump his hips against Dean and obviously came. That was all it took. 

Dean thrust wildly and came hard. He filled the condom and then just pulled out. He rolled the condom off and dropped it over the side of the bed.

“Man, I usually can go a lot longer than that…”

Cas kissed him. “It was perfect, Dean. Really.”   
  


 


	9. Chapter 9

It was the night of the annual Teacher’s Mixer. Cas didn’t want to go, really, but he felt compelled to.

So, he and Dean walked in to the bar where it was being held. Cas sighed. Dean said he was going to get them drinks, and walked to the bar.

Balthazar walked up to Cas as soon as Dean left.

“So, Cas, I thought you didn’t date.”

Cas stammered, “I don’t. I didn’t. Dean and I just sort of happened,”

Balthazar got into Cas’ personal space. “So, I guess this means you can go out with me.”

Cas took a step back but his back hit the wall behind him.

He was trying to think of something to say when Dean walked up.

“Hey, babe, who’s this?”

Cas took a deep breath, feeling very relieved.

Balthazar frowned but stuck out his hand to shake Dean’s.

“I’m Balthazar Brent. And you are?”

Dean grinned. “I’m Dean Winchester. I’m Cas’ date for the evening. How do you know him?”

Balthazar’s voice dripped with sarcasm. “I’m a teacher, I work with Cas here. And what do you do?”

Dean grinned. “I’m, a mechanic. I own Singer’s Auto Salvage.”

Balthazar looked pointedly at Cas. “A mechanic. How wonderful for you.” He walked away.

“Jesus, what a tool.” Dean shook his head.

“Oh yeah. Now you know why I told him I didn’t date. I bet I’m the subject of school gossip again.”

Dean kissed his temple. “And you don’t give a shit, right?”

Cas smiled at Dean. “Right.”

Dean woke up in the middle of the night and reached out to touch Cas. All he felt was empty bed. He got up and went in search of Cas. He found him standing naked in front of the full-length mirror in the bathroom.

“Babe? What ‘cha doing up?”

Cas turned to him with tears in his eyes. “I’m not a real man, Dean. I can’t ever be a real man. I’m just pretending.”

Dean pulled Cas to him. “Babe, you are a real man. You are more of a man than any man I’ve ever known.”

Cas sobbed into Dean’s chest.

Dean stood back and looked into Cas’ eyes. 

“You think what makes a man is what is hanging between his legs? You think  _ this _ ,” And here he grabbed his own dick and balls, “is what makes me a man? I fucking hope not. I think it’s what’s in here.”

He put his hand over Cas’ heart. 

“It’s being brave enough to get out of bed and face every day when you really don’t want to. It’s knowing when to be tough and when to be soft. It’s attitude, Cas. And you’ve got all that in spades. I’m so proud of you, every fucking day. And I’m telling you, you’re more of a man than anyone I know.”

Cas blinked and sniffed. “Thank you, Dean. I can’t believe I’m lucky enough to have you in my life. You always know what to say.”

Dean kissed Cas’ forehead. “It’s because I love you so much.”   
Cas squinted his eyes. “You love me?”

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, I love you, you goofy thing.”

Cas smiled. “I love you, too, you know.”

Dean kissed Cas on the lips. “I know you do.Then I think we should move in together.”

Cas didn’t have to think long. “Okay, if you think you can stand being around me every day.”

Dean laughed at that. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I can handle that.”

They began searching for the right apartment. It took two months, but they finally found the exact right place.

It had two bedrooms, at opposite ends of the apartment. There was a fireplace, and a nice big kitchen. Cas loved the small yard. It was perfect and they could easily afford it.

They’s only been in the apartment for a few nights. Dean was running his hands over Cas’ hips when Cas pulled away. “Ow!”

“What’s wrong, baby?”

Cas frowned. “I’m not sure, it hurts.”

Dean turned on the light and looked at Cas’ hip. It had a deep bruise.

“What the fuck happened here?”

Cas looked concerned. “I’m not sure. That’s where I give myself my T injections.”

Dean was upset. “Well, you’re going to see your doctor. Today. Before you give yourself another injection.”

Dean went with Cas, and they sat in the exam room. The doctor came in and Cas showed him his hip.

“Ah, yes, You’ve got some muscle trauma from the injections. How long have you been injecting now?”

Cas looked upset. “Eleven years.”

“Daily?”

Cas nodded.

“Well, you’re going to have to stop injecting for awhile, let this heal up.”

Cas jumped up, “I can’t stop!”

The doctor put his hand on Cas’ shoulder. “No, of course you can’t stop the testosterone. But we’re going to have to choose another method for you.”

Cas was terribly upset. Dean held his hand while the doctor outlined the possibilities.

“Of course, there are the transdermal patches. But Dean here would have to be careful not to touch them. He doesn’t need the extra testosterone. It could affect his moods and his libido. What I would suggest is the subcutaneous method. I would make a slight incision and put three slow-release capsules under your skin. They would provide a steady level of the hormone, and it lasts about three months.”

Dean smiled at Cas. “That sounds great, Cas.”

Cas still looked worried. “How much does that cost?”

The doctor told then it was three hundred every three months.

Cas shook his head, “I can’t afford that.”

Dean shook his head, “We can and we will. It’s the best possible solution. Do it, Cas.”

Cas was practically crying. “I don’t want you to pay for my hormones, Dean.”

Dean stood his ground. “Don’t be so pig-headed, Cas. It’s all our money anyway, and we’re doing this. End of discussion.”

Cas got the sub-cu done and they walked out together. Dean grabbed Cas’ hand.

“It was the only reasonable solution and you know it. Stop pouting.”

Cas stuck his tongue out at Dean and Dean grinned. 

“I’ve got plans for that tongue tonight. Now, come on, I need a piece of pie.”

 


	10. Chapter 10

Dean came home from work and found Cas sitting in the dark.

“Oh baby, feeling dysphoric again?”

Cas turned on the the light and was actually smiling. Dean squatted down between Cas’ legs.

“Okay, what’s up. That is not your dysphoric face.”

Cas leaned over and kissed Dean.

“Let’s get married.”

Dean almost fell over. “You want to get married? Oh baby, yes! Yes, yes, yes!”

After some serious making out, Dean had to ask.

“What brought that up?”

Cas looked very serious. “I was just thinking about how much I love you. And how much it would just kill me to lose you.”

“Oh baby, you could never lose me.”

“I know, Dean, but why would I ever take the chance? If we’re married, you can’t just get fed up with me and walk out. It would be way too complicated.”

Dean laughed. “You’re a goof, you know that, right?”

Cas nodded. “I am aware.”

This led to them deciding that they needed to meet each other’s siblings.

Cas warned Dean about his brother Gabriel. “He’s an acquired taste, believe me.” Dean assured him it would be fine.

First to be invited was Dean’s little brother, Sam. Sam had a thriving law practice in San Francisco. He agreed to come for a few days next month.

Cas was extremely nervous about meeting Sam. Dean assured him that Sam knew everything about him and was totally accepting.

Cas just kept saying “Yeah, but what if he doesn’t like me? As a person?”

Dean just shook his head. “There’s no way he’s not going to like you, goofy.”

When they stood in the airport, waiting for Sam to come out with his bad, Cas grabbed Dean’s hand and Dean squeezed it. 

“Relax.”

Sam came out and dropped his bag, grabbing Dean in a rib-breaking hug. 

Then he let go of Dean and grinned at Cas.

“So, you’re the guy who finally got Dean into a real relationship. Good job, Cas.”

And he hugged Cas tight.

Cas felt better right away.

The visit went well. Sam and Dean told stories about each other that had Cas laughing so hard he was afraid he’d pee himself again. They obviously had a great relationship. 

Dean had raised Sam for all intents and purposes, so they were bound to be close. Cas found himself wishing he had a family that accepted him as readily as Sam accepted the relationship he and Dean had.

When it was time for him to go home, they stood at the airport hating to say goodbye.

“Listen up, bitch, you better come back for the wedding.”   
Sam grinned. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world, jerk.”

They hugged and watched Sam’s plane take off.

“I really like your brother, Dean.”

Dean grinned. “He really likes you too, Cas.”

Then it was time for Gabriel to come. Cas was even more nervous than when Sam came.

He just kept telling Dean that Gabe was sort of off-putting.

Gabe drove for the visit, and there was a knock on the door one afternoon. Cas went to the door to let him in.

“Cassie! How’s it hanging, bro? Oh yeah, it doesn’t hang at all, does it?”

Cas flinched and Dean got mad immediately.

Gabriel backed up and held up a hand. “Whoa, big guy. Cassie knows it’s just a joke.”

Cas looked at Dean plaintively over Gabe’s head, so Dean backed off.

Gabe reached out a hand to shake Dean’s, so Dean shook it. They went and sat down.

“So, you’re the guy who finally got Cassie here to spread his legs. I’m impressed.”

Dean frowned but again, Cas looked at him in a way that made him keep his mouth shut.

Things got better after that. Gabe told Cas about what his brothers were doing, and that their mother was just as awful as she ever was. Cas sighed.

Dean and Cas were in bed. “I really don’t like your brother very much.”

Cas kissed him. “I told you he was an acquired taste. He really doesn’t mean anything, he just thinks he’s funny. But he really is the only one out of my family that accepts me.”

Dean had his head between Cas’ legs, sucking on Cas’ cock. Cas was moaning quietly.

There was a loud knock on the bedroom door, and Gabe yelled, “Hey! I found some pie. Can I eat it?”

Dean pulled his mouth off and growled, “Jesus fuck.”

Cas yelled for Gabe to go ahead and eat the pie. From the other side of the door, Gabe said, “Thanks. Go back to what you were doing.”

Dean frowned but Cas pushed his head back down between his legs, so Dean just sighed and got back to work.

In the morning, Gabe was up drinking coffee when they got up.

“Sounded like you had some fun last night.”   
Cas blushed but Dean said, “Yeah, we did, even with the interruption.”

Gabe laughed. “Hey, it was the least I could do. You two are loud.”

It was Saturday so they were both off. They decided to go to the bar.

Gabe was excited to go to a gay bar. “My first time! Maybe I’ll get lucky.”

Cas looked at him. “You do know it’s a male gay bar, yes?”

Gabe winked at him. “Hey, you never know, bro.”

Dean told Cas on the sly to wear his STP. “I’ll check out how realistic it looks. I hate that you don’t drink anything all day.”

They walked into the bar and Gabe grinned. “Oh, look at all the beautiful men!”

He ran to a table and sat down, so Cas and Dean followed. Cas whispered to Dean, “I don’t know what’s happening here. I thought he was straight.”

Dean shook his head, “I have no idea.”

They ordered drinks and then Dean asked Cas to danced to a slow song. 

They walked to the dance floor and Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’ waist. Cas put his arms around Dean’s neck and put his head on Dean’s shoulder.

The song was Always And Forever by the Heatwaves and Dean sang softly into Cas’ ear.

Cas sighed. It was perfect.

 


	11. Chapter 11

The next song was a fast one, so Dean led Cas off the dance floor. 

Gabe passed him dragging a guy along by the hand. He was dancing and shaking his ass.

“Look what I got!” 

Dean looked at the guy and he was smiling, so he just went back to the table with Cas.

Cas looked around. “I think the bathroom is empty. Come on, this is a good time to test my STP.”

They went to the bathroom and Dean locked the door behind him. He stood at a urinal but wasn’t going to pee. “Okay, baby, whip it out.”   
Cas giggled, unzipped his zipper and pulled the STP out. He sighed, and then began to pee.

Dean stood and glanced at Cas.

“Looks perfectly normal from here.”

Cas looked at him. “Are you sure?”

Dean nodded. “It looks fine. I mean, if someone got right up on it, it might not, but no one is going to do that in a public bathroom. At least they better not, if they know what’s good for them.”

Cas giggled, shook off and put it back in his pants.

They walked back to the table. There was no sign of Gabe. They ordered two more drinks.

Just then Gabe came charging up. “Hey! I’m going home with Kevin here. Kevin, say hello to my brother and his fiance. Cas, Dean, this is Kevin Tran.”

Dean nodded and Cas said “Hey.” Kevin was a young asian kid, but he had to be at least eighteen to be in there.

Cas fished out his keys. He took off the house key and handed it to Gabe.

“Here, you can come in whenever.”

Gabe took it, smiled and grabbed Kevin by the hand. “Let’s go, cutie.”

Dean watched them leave with an amused look on his face.

“I’m pretty sure old Kev there is a bottom.”

Cas agreed. “I sure hope he knows what he’s got himself into.”

They were eating lunch the next day when they heard the key in the lock. Gabe came in, looking tired and very disheveled.

“HI! I had a great time!”

Cas smiled. “I’m glad to hear that, Gabe.”

Gabriel slapped Cas on the back. “Why haven’t you ever told me how awesome anal sex is? Oh right, you don’t have the equipement to know.”

Cas got up and walked to the bedroom and shut the door.

“What crawled up his ass?”

Dean was furious. “You. You crawled up his ass. You’re a real piece of work, you know that? For your information, Cas is more of a man in the sack than anyone I’ve ever slept with before. And you just insulted the hell out of him.”

Gabe looked shocked. “I didn’t mean anything by it. Fuck, he’s too sensitive.”

Dean just turned and left Gabe standing there. He went to the bedroom and opened the door.

Cas was curled up on the bed. Dean went and sat next to him.

“Your brother is a real asshole, you know that, right?”

Cas sniffed. “I’m getting that impression.”

“I told him off. I hate that he said that to you, baby.”

Cas turned over. “I think I want him to leave.”

Dean smiled and leaned over to kiss Cas. “You got it, baby.”

Dean left the room and found Gabe in the living room.

“We think it’s time for you to leave, Gabe.”

Gabe nodded sadly. “I agree. But I’d really like to apologize to Cas before I go.”

Dean walked to the bedroom door. “Cas? Gabe wants to apologize before he goes, can he?”

Cas opened the door and walked out to where Gabe was sitting.

“Listen, I’m sorry, Cas. I honestly didn’t think you’d get hurt by what I said. I’m going, but I hope you’ll forgive me.”

Cas nodded, “Okay, Gabe, but think next time before you say stuff to me.”

Gabe nodded and Cas walked back to the bedroom and shut the door.

It only took about forty-five minutes for Gabe to get gone. Cas came out of the room when Dean told him the coast was clear.

“Well, that was a disaster.”

Dean had to agree. “I’m so sorry it worked out like it did, Cas. But at least, I think Gabe may have learned a lesson.”

Cas smiled. “I can only hope so.”

 

The end of school was just three weeks away. Cas wanted to get married during his summer vacation, so they decided a date in June would be good. They finally decided on June 10th. It was a Saturday and most people they wanted to invite would be off work then.

Cas just wanted a civil ceremony and that was fine with Dean, so Cas said he’d contact the justice of the peace. 

Then there was the reception. Dean wanted a party, so Cas agreed. Dean said he’d be in charge of finding just the right spot. 

Then the only issue was the honeymoon. Cas didn’t want to take one. He just wanted to stay home with the phone off. Dean kind of wanted to go somewhere. They agreed to set that aside for the time being.

The last week of school. Cas got home late because of a meeting. Dean was fixing dinner and Cas hugged his from behind.

“By the way, something came for you in the mail. I set it on the table by the door.”

Cas walked out, and a few moments later, he let out a yell that scared Dean half to death. Dean ran out to see what was wrong.

He found Cas hopping up and down, waving a paper in the air.

“Jesus, Cas, you scared me! What is that?”

Cas ran over and hugged Dean so tightly he couldn’t breathe.

“I did it! I did it! Look!”

He thrust the paper in front of Dean, who took it and looked at it closely.

It was Cas’ birth certificate. And it clearly said ‘M” under sex of the baby.

Dean looked at Cas and back at the paper. “When… How?”

“I did it without telling you, in case it didn’t work. Frankly, it took so long I figured it didn’t work, but here it is! I can’t believe it.”

Dean hugged Cas and swung him around. “I’m so proud of you, baby! Wow. This means…”   
Cas grinned, “It means I can get married as a man, for one.”

Dean sat and thought about that. “Yeah, it does. I know you got your name legally changed, but I guess you would have had to use your dead name to get married otherwise. And I know that would have really made you mad.”

“It would have just about killed me, Dean.”

 


	12. Chapter 12

“And do you, Castiel, take Dean to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for as long as you live?’

“I do.”

They exchanged the rings, and then...

“Then by the power vested in me by God and the great state of Kansas, pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss.”

 

The DJ said, “May I present, for the first time ever, Dean and Cas Novak-Winchester.”

There was applause and whistling. Dean grabbed Cas and kissed him deeply, to a lot of clapping and yelling about how they needed to wait for the honeymoon.

Their first dance was to Always And Forever, which had kind of become ‘their song’.

 

_ Always and forever, each moment with you _

_ Is just like a dream to me that somehow came true _

_ And I know tomorrow will still be the same _

_ 'Cause we've got a life of love that won't ever change and _

 

_ Everyday, love me your own special way _

_ Melt all my heart away with a smile _

_ Take time to tell me, you really care _

_ And we'll share tomorrow, together _

_ I'll always love you forever, forever _

 

_ There'll always be sunshine when I look at you _

_ It's something I can't explain, just the things that you do _

_ And if you get lonely, phone me and take _

_ A second to give to me that magic you make and _

 

_ Everyday, love me your own special way _

_ Melt all my heart away with a smile _

_ Take time to tell me, you really care _

_ And we'll share tomorrow, together _

_ I'll always love you ever, ever _

 

_ Always forever love you _

_ Always forever love you _

_ Always forever love you _

_ Always forever love you _

  
  


They kissed sweetly and Dean sang along in Cas’ ear.

When the song was over, Dean whispered, “We’re going to fuck each other senseless, taking turns, for the next week” Cas.”

Cas shivered. They had finally decided on staying home with the phones shut off for the honeymoon. 

They smeared cake all over each other’s faces because it was traditional. 

They danced a lot and laughed with friends. It was wonderful, but Cas was more than ready to go home. 

They said their goodbyes. They hadn’t told a soul about staying home for their honeymoon, so they were pretty sure they wouldn’t be disturbed.

They were all over one another the minute they got home. 

Dean pulled back. “God, I love you so much. I’m the luckiest guy in the world.”

Cas smiled, “I think I’m the lucky one. I had given up on love when I moved here, and then there you were. You accepted me exactly like I am and I love you more than I can say.”

 

It was the first day of the rest of their lives together.

 

Of course, they had fights. The longest one had Dean sleeping on the couch for three days.

Of course, Cas got dysphoric from time to time, but it got less and less as years went by. Dean was always able to talk Cas back from the ledge.

But all in all, it was a truly wonderful life. They were madly in love and that never changed. Everyone knew they were just about the perfect couple.

 


End file.
